Episode 01: Life After Pro Football: Dealing With Disrespect & Sports Trauma

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hello and welcome.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you're an overachiever that feels like you're little off or maybe you're just losing your edge just a little bit, this is the podcast for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, my name is Alan DeGraphenry and this is the running routes podcast with Alan DeGraphenry.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Today what I like to do is briefly introduce myself and just tell a little bit about what we do.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to discuss what it takes for high achievers that make feel like

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[SPEAKER_00]: To follow the road map, to get where they want to be in life, and that's what this podcast is all about.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Before I get into this couple, I'm telling a few stories today, before I get into those stories, what I want to do is introduce myself briefly as I said in my name is Alan D. Graffin Reed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm formerly a collegiate and professional football player.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I played college ball at the Ohio State University, also known as Waiverseeru.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I also played Professor football in the NFL, CFL as well as World League of America football in Europe.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I bounced around with that for about five years and what I want to do real briefly is tell you three stories.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If these stories connect with you in any way because of your corporate relationships, because as an athlete, some things have happened.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then this, like I said, is the podcast for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The first story is years ago, I was a mortgage guy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My responsibility was going to a broker-chowse, stock broker-house, and talk to stock brokers about doing mortgages within the company in an effort to keep their clients with them and make them more sticky.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's real basic, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, one down walking down the hall, guy calls me to his office, I step into his office, and he says, hey,

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[SPEAKER_00]: I heard somebody say that used to play for the House Day book, guys.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I said, yeah, I played for the House Day book.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was a play receiver for them for Coach Cooper for first, first, five years.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the guy looks at me and says, oh, I've got a buddy that's a huge book, guys, fan.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll be sure and ask him about you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's your name?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I said, my name's Alan.

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[SPEAKER_00]: DeGraphenRead.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I spelled it out form.

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[SPEAKER_00]: went on about my day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So fast forward a couple weeks.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm walking down the hall.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Guy calls me his office again.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, Hey, how's it going?

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[SPEAKER_00]: You want to do a mortgage?

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[SPEAKER_00]: He's oh, oh, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, let's talk about that later.

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[SPEAKER_00]: He says, Hey, I talked to my buddy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The one I said is a huge book I spent.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And he tells me he's never heard of you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I don't understand what that means.

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[SPEAKER_00]: He says, are you sure you play for the buck guys?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Now of course my first thought is, I should reach across this desk and slap this man out of his chair.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't do that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What I did instead is I asked him a question.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So because your buddy is a huge buck ice fan, does that mean that all those catches, all those blocks, all those plays that I made on the field, all those shots I took?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Didn't really happen just because your buddy doesn't remember me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, obviously, the level of disrespect was extremely high.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're a former athlete and you get disrespect, or if you're a corporate executive and you get to respect it, how do you deal with that?

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[SPEAKER_00]: If that's ever happened to you, this podcast is for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The second thing story is, just over a year ago, it was me and there was about 10 old book guys, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We strange from early 90s all the way to the mids to the second

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[SPEAKER_00]: with Coach Meyer, Urban Meyer.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, we're all sitting there, we're at this event, we're helping raise money for cancer, and we just, we're just chopping it up, just down the conversation, and all the athletes were sharing their experiences, collegiate Lee, as well as professionally, just talking through the day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Talking about what happened, kind of talk a little bit in I.L., a little bit transfer portal.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Most of us probably would have gotten on the transfer portal, which I thought was interesting.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But as the conversation went on, the youngest guy there, like I said, they won that one, the second national championship, he started telling a story about a time where he had gone to his coach and said, just coach, hey coach, I'm not quite picking this up.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Can I get some time with you one-on-one to learn more about whatever this is?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Coach says, yeah, yeah, we'll get together.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know that he said the coach pressed them off, but it seems as though that might be what happened.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So fast forward maybe a couple days and he hasn't heard back from the coaches far as let's get together.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So what he does is he goes to the coach's office.

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[SPEAKER_00]: When he walks in the coach's office, the coach is sitting there with his competition, the guy he's competing with for that same spot.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And yes, there are a different race.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So he's like,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why on earth, with the coach, I went to him for help not help me to help this other guy and he talked about how extremely frustrated he was about it And then the thing that blew me away was he said my time at Ohio State calls me trauma and when I heard the word trauma as an old the oldest guy standing there I was like trauma and my immediate thoughts were is this kid soft?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's wrong with this kid?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Our time at Ohio State was of course I jumped in Ohio State's defense.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I said time at Ohio State was the greatest time ever

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I went on down this road in my head of how this guy was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's fortunately a part of me snapped and said, no, wait a second, wait now, do you grab hold up?

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[SPEAKER_00]: This young man just told you he was vulnerable here and told you what his situation was or how estate and you totally blew the kid off.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So first off to him if he's listening, I apologize, but I didn't say anything out loud.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then I started to think, what if what I went through was traumatic?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What if what I went through has caused me harm or not harm but it caused me to have challenges in my life?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I never thought about that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I spent like two weeks thinking about that and one of the interesting things is that

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[SPEAKER_00]: During that hangout, one guy said, we should start a podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, that's a really good idea.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We should start a podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So one of the things we're going to talk about here on this podcast is what do athletes really go through in colleges, wells, or pros?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's really going on?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to get behind the scenes, talk to athletes about what happened with them, what they went through.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we're also going to identify things that they could do or should do different in order to reach the goals they have when they get done playing at their sport.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So that's the second story.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The third story is probably the most vulnerable story I would tell the day because it's super embarrassing now.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was embarrassing then as well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's been some years ago.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was going to my classroom reunion.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I remember you to tell you the story of Freddie.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I was going to my classroom reunion and I in high school was a star athlete.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I won the award for the best athlete.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I wore the award for I think the most likable, best leg.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I won all these different awards.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was Vice President's student council.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was in the choir.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I did all these different things.

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[SPEAKER_00]: President of Athletic Club.

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[SPEAKER_00]: All these things that made everybody think this guy is great.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I then went on, walked on and played football for the House State of Buckeyes, and became a starter.

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[SPEAKER_00]: When I didn't really play high school football, I was the kicker on the team.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then I went on a play professional football for the Bengals hometown Bengals when once again, I didn't really even play high school football.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So you're thinking that all the people in your class are looking at you as this huge, bigger than life guy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And in your mind you're thinking,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I've got to really impress these people when I go.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Luckily, I have a very beautiful wife.

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[SPEAKER_00]: She's very charming.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So at any time I take her in the way I look much better, regardless because I've got her with me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But the thing that was going wrong in my life at that time was I was working at Amazon as a tier one associate, making maybe $13, $14 an hour.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So here I am, going to my classroom again and under no circumstances, tell my wife, should you bring up anything about work?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We don't anyone to ask me where I'm working

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because if they ask me and they find out they're all gonna destroy me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna make fun of me They're gonna talk bad about me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna call me a loser.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're gonna go say we really thought that Alan was gonna do some of his life But he's a tier one associate at Amazon and so I had this big fear so if you're an athlete

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[SPEAKER_00]: that's ever or any kind of executive thing like that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, by the way, when we're going to talk a little bit more about my time at Amazon going to the my classroom union making 14 something dollars an hour a year and a half later, I doubled my income.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're up to here a year and a half after that, I doubled that income.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to talk about how I did that as well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big part of the show as well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How to get from here to there when you're here right now, and you're trying to climb out of that rut.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big part of what we talk about here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So if that's something you've been through or going through, or looking like it might come down a line for you, once again, this is the podcast for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So the way the podcast's going to work is on Tuesdays, I'm going to bring in a former collegiate or professional athlete, not just football.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk basketball.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk track.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk soccer.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Swimming.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We call all the different sports.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll also bring in some coaches, whether they played president, collegiate or not.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If they coach professionally or collegiate, they'll also be invited.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to talk to them about what it was like to be an athlete.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why were they great?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We'll start off with why they were great, what it took to be great.

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[SPEAKER_00]: then we'll move in a little bit more into their biggest moments, then we'll transition into what was the transition like for them.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How did they go from being a superstar athlete to moving over and becoming a regular person?

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[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to do some of that, and then we'll go through what I'm going to talk about here in just a minute, I have a framework that's called routes, running routes as the podcast is, we'll tell you what the route is right here in just a second, but that's what the first podcast of the week, the Tuesday podcast will be all about.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Me and Stuson, athletes, Kraken jokes, making fun of each other, talking about big moments, make a fun of teammates.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then from there, like I said, we'll move into the transition, we'll have the transition like for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What would you advise other athletes going through the transition to do?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are some things to look out for?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's some advice?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's a good story around those types of things?

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[SPEAKER_00]: So that's what the two Zepodcasts will be all about.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then on Friday, I'll come back and do another shorter podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Much like this one we're doing here now, where I'll talk about routes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about routes, R-O-U-T-E-S. For anybody that knows football, we know a quarterback takes a snap of the ball, and there's three to four receivers that will go out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So there's wide receivers, tight ends, there's running backs, full backs, oh they don't have full backs anymore, sorry.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Running backs that will go out and they'll run routes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And once you get all those routes out there, all those routes together form a pattern.

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[SPEAKER_00]: In the same way than on our lives, a lot of times we're forming patterns in our lives, whether they're good or bad, they're still patterns.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And as those patterns are going our way, everything's great, but sometimes those patterns start to be dysfunctionally, start to not work for us, and we start to see our life and the way we're living our life, start to condense, or just no longer be the way we want it to be.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, what we do is we need to start running the right routes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We need to change our routes, R-O-U-T-E-S. Our relationships.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Look at all the relationships in your life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not the warmth, just the warmth of your significant other.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You have to consider your children.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You have to consider relationships with your siblings, your parents, as well as your coworkers.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you of course have your friends that are just, you know, people in your area that you hang out with your neighbors.

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[SPEAKER_00]: All those relationships.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If some of them are going poorly, can affect your overall route.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then we go to O, O is occupation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have a job or do you have a career?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What kind of work are you doing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you enjoy the work you're doing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you not enjoy the work you're doing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you enjoy the people you work with?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you enjoy the types of things your job is accomplishing?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you still climbing the ladder to be successful?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Have you plateaued off?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Or are you actually just feel like you're on your way out every single day?

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[SPEAKER_00]: We'll look at occupation, different aspects of your occupation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That takes us to you, which is upkeep, it's full physical, as well as mental health.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you do you know your numbers when it comes to your blood pressure?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Comes your A1C.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you know what's going on with your heart rate?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you actually lifting weights?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you actually doing cardio?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you working your flexibility?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Your balance.

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[SPEAKER_00]: All those things are important to make sure that you are physically healthy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: On the mental health side, it's about, again, going back to relationships, but are you taking care of yourself mentally?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are your stressors not, are you overstressed out, way too stressed out?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you getting enough sleep?

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[SPEAKER_00]: All those things go into what you're upkeep is like.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So that takes us to tea, which is training.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are you putting into your mind?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you reading books?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you listening to uplifting podcasts?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you watching documentaries?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you desk rolling, sitting on the toilet, and watching crazy TV shows, reality TV type stuff, and playing video games?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What things you're doing as far as training to make yourself better so you can rise up and go to the next level?

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[SPEAKER_00]: That takes us to E, which is Enterprise.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you doing anything to grow yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe you have a side business that you're growing, maybe have an opportunity to do things in your community.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are you doing to uplift yourself as well as your community and your family to make sure that long-term, everyone of your family has taken care of?

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[SPEAKER_00]: That takes us finally to S, which is spirit.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How is your spirit?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Now for some people that's going to talk about their faith, are you reading your Bible, are you reading your Testament, are you reading your Quran, for other people it's more about are you is your chilline, are you leveled out is your energy positive, that type of thing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So we'll talk about all six of those R-O-U-T-E-S.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So, that's what we're going to be doing on this podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're excited that you're here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We're excited that you're going to be a part of what we're doing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Go ahead, like I said, like and follow this podcast.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Keep you updated on every Tuesday and Friday episodes come out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Before we go, there's a couple of things I want to do versus a call to action.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I have created what I'm calling the routes index.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What it is, it's 18 questions around ROU, TES.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Ficking out where you stand in those areas, the goal of it is to identify where you maybe have holes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of us look at our entire life and the patterns we're running and we're like our overall life is not going well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: In reality, what's going on is if you look at those six areas, maybe one or two of them are off.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if we can get those one or two fixed, then that's going to give you the opportunity to start going back to the life that you want to live.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So first thing is, there's a down below in the note, click it,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Take it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I said, it's only 18 questions.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's also a higher level one that's actually 60 questions, but just start out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Take the 18 questions, find out what your routes index is.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And before we go, I just want to remind all of you who you are by reading my favorite quote.

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[SPEAKER_00]: This is the quote from Theodore Roosevelt 1912.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I actually got this from Coach Marty Shottenheimer with the Kansas City Chiefs.

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[SPEAKER_00]: He kept this in the hallway in the locker room between the training room and the equipment room.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I would read it at least once a week.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I would read it on days when things weren't going well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: To remind myself of my greatness.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'd read it on days when things were going really well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I always read it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Mr. Lamar Hunt would almost every single week walk up to me and remind me how special I was, why I mattered, that I was doing great things to help his organization.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because he was the only case you don't know.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Lamar Hunt's one of the greatest leaders.

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[SPEAKER_00]: ever he was he would let me know he would fill me up every week letting me know that I was important the work I was doing was valued the work I was doing with the db's making them better was something he appreciated.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I would if he ever talked to me I always go and read this quote.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So here's the quote I'm going to read it to you here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It is not the critic that counts.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the

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[SPEAKER_00]: The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, whose strides valiantly, whose heirs, who comes up short again and again because there is no effort without air and short coming, but who does not actually strive to do the deeds

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[SPEAKER_00]: who knows great enthusiasm, the great devotions who spins himself in a working cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

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[SPEAKER_00]: so that his place shall never be with those cold, timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So for all of you that have done great things in your past and are looking to do great things in your future, that is for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Let's find a way to get you back where you belong.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to read this quote at least once a month to make sure I remind us of who we are and what we can do.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So as I said, hey, I'm happy that you're here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hit like, hit follow.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Go ahead and take the quick 18 question, routes index to find out where you stand.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So we can start working with you to get you ready to go.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I want you all to remember that legacy is not what you did.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's who you helped along the way.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I'm out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Look forward to seeing you next time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Have a great day.